Ramblings of Me

I have not updated in a bit. I am sorry =/

So tonight I rented “Across the Universe”. It’s my boyfriend’s weekend with friends. And since I am still new in the area (ok I have been here over a year, but it takes me a bit to make friends – enough to want to hang out with them), I don’t have many. Anyway the movie was described to me as basically “Grease” but on an acid trip, lol. Well I have never done acid but I could see the reference. Normally I don’t get into musicals, but when I heard all the songs were from the Beatles – how could I resist. On a scale of 1-10 I would give it a strong 7. Some of the stuff was just well ridiculous, but other than that the story line behind it all was wonderful. If only all of us could find that hot British guy to sweep us off our feet, and have him come back to us. Awwww the movies. Well my guy isn't British but he sure does treat me well, so he is a keeper =).

Work is well the same, never fun. I mean things have slowed down drastically but now they are setting insane budgets for us to meet, and giving us no labor hours to make those budgets. I don’t know I can’t complain really I mean I have a job, which pays well and a roof over my head as well as a full stomach. There are so many more out there in this world that have so much less.

On another note, I have been really offset lately. I mean I know I suffer from depression (who doesn’t these days), but it has just been a rough couple of weeks. I chose not to take medications because they just make me numb to the rest of the world, and trust me being a zombie is worse. There are days were I am just really down on myself, and sometimes I think “Ok….you need to get back on meds”. But I know if I just breathe and close my eyes for a few minutes the thoughts will pass; eventually. There are nights I can stare at my wall for hours, and not be able to remember what I was thinking about all that time the next day. I just kind of ..fade out and then back in again. I am a very grounded person and have wonderful support around me, and for that I am thankful. For my support, and my writing I am thankful; it is my true sanity. It is hard to admit sometimes, that I have a weakness. And sometimes this weakness consumes me, and I have this inner battle with myself. But the faces of those who love me always visit me when I fade out, and eventually it is their faces that help me fade back into reality. Pain is not always bad, if you have grown from it.
B